A blog dedicated learrning to make the most of the myriad of resources available to the DIY musician in he age of the internet.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
THRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
HEAVY METAL: The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.
FOLK METAL: The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.
VIKING METAL: The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
DEATH METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
BLACK METAL: The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, fucks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.
GORE METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.
DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
PROGRESSIVE METAL: The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.
GLAM METAL: The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
NU METAL: The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
First Impressions are everything and that impression is usually made within the first few moments of meeting someone. Here are some tips to perfect your pitch.
I hate LA.
I hate it from the bottom of my heart.
So why did I come to the land of the terrible drivers? It’s the musical mecca of california and some important conferences happen here. (Also, I went to Paganfest last night. Folk metal makes my heart skip a beat).
This week happens to be ASCAP’s I Create Music Expo: a musical managerie of producers, managers, artists, and vendors trying desperately to get you to part with your money.
Conferences are a great way to network, find out about new products, and learn a thing or two from speakers you wouldn’t necessarily have access to otherwise.
Conferences are notoriously expensive though, so how does a starving artist afford to attend?
Great, now you’re going. What do you bring?
This week I am attending ASCAP’s I Create Music Expo.
What a better way to kick off this blog than to post all about the wonderful things I’m learning?
I’m currently sitting in on a panel all about making the most from touring. Expect a post with the highlights this afternoon.
There is a huge difference between “Promoting your band” and “Spamming your fans”
One thing to know before you get into music (musicians and business people alike): 1. You’re always on the clock. Always. 2. You need to have your cellphone on and with you at all times. You never know who may need to get a hold of you. 3. Its going to irritate people. My grandparents still get mad when I have to answer a text during dinner. I apologize of course, but I still answer the text. Eventually people get used to it. 4. That being said, don’t annoy everyone with your obnoxious spice girls ringtone. Put it on vibrate and put it under your leg or in your pocket where you can feel it go off. 5. Promptness is golden. Answer everything in a timely manner; it’ll make things run so much more smoothly, I promise. People who have to wait get frustrated and frustration sets you back. (more on that later)On the table or off: that is the question.
As an assistant, I always kept my phone on the table, right where I could see it if my boss tried to text, email or call me. I didn’t want any sort of delay in responding. Some of my friends would get pissed, of course. “Can’t you put down your phone…