A blog dedicated learrning to make the most of the myriad of resources available to the DIY musician in he age of the internet.

 

How to tell the difference between different genres of metal

POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

THRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.

HEAVY METAL: The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.

FOLK METAL: The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.

VIKING METAL: The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

DEATH METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

BLACK METAL: The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, fucks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.

GORE METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.

DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.

PROGRESSIVE METAL: The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.

GLAM METAL: The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.

NU METAL: The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.

The Art of the Pitch

First Impressions are everything and that impression is usually made within the first few moments of meeting someone. Here are some tips to perfect your pitch. 

  • Be yourself: People can instantly tell when you’re being fake, and it makes them not want to work with you
  • Be brief: If you spend forever initially explaining what you do you’ve already lost their attention. 
  • Be concise: I’m a one stop shop. I have experience in most aspects of the business, and anything I haven’t done I can quickly learn how to. However, instead of explaining each and everything I can do, I just say that. “I do anything and everything my artist needs me to do so that all they have to do is focus on their music.” That’s my hook. It sparks my conversation partners’ interest. After that they can ask me to expand upon my skills.
  • Let them ask the questions: If you make them want to know more, they’re more likely to remember you. 
  • Also, your business card should say it all for you: It sparks initial interest, and reminds them of who you are later on. Mine says: World Traveler. Writer. Music/Social Media Consultant. Go-To Girl. 

What to Bring to a Conference (and why you should go)

I hate LA.

I hate it from the bottom of my heart.

So why did I come to the land of the terrible drivers? It’s the musical mecca of california and some important conferences happen here. (Also, I went to Paganfest last night. Folk metal makes my heart skip a beat).

This week happens to be ASCAP’s I Create Music Expo: a musical managerie of producers, managers, artists, and vendors trying desperately to get you to part with your money.

Conferences are a great way to network, find out about new products, and learn a thing or two from speakers you wouldn’t necessarily have access to otherwise.

Conferences are notoriously expensive though, so how does a starving artist afford to attend?

  • Volunteer: Many events will let you volunteer for half the time in exchange for attending the other half. 
  • Shack up with a friend: Hotels are either really expensive or really sketchy. Share a hotel room or stay at a friends house. 
  • Food: Find the local grocery stores and buy cheap, healthy food. Don’t eat the conference food. It’s expensive and will give you a heart attack by the time you’re 40. 
  • Carpool/Take a Train: Be eco friendly and save money on gas. 

Great, now you’re going. What do you bring?

  • Business Cards: Your band is a business, pimp yourself with a card. I’ll look up a band if they hand me a card. If I just have to remember your name, I wont, I’ll forget. 
  • Notebook: Take Notes!!! You can’t fit all of those details in your brain. Don’t lose out because you’ve forgotten a key point. 
  • Cash: Common sense, but things happen and you may need cash. (if you’re in LA you might need it for parking) 
  • Water: Hydration is important. You won’t get the most out of your experience if you’re feeling sick. 
  • Personality: Meeting people is key. Bring your best side out so you can get some new contacts. You never know who you might meet. 
  • CDs: Not a ton. Don’t just go handing them out to everyone, they might be put off by that. Feel it out; if you’ve been talking to someone and they seem freindly, give them your cd. Say something like “you know, I only brought a couple of CDs, but you should definitely take one. I think you’ll like it”. MAKE SURE you give them your business card too. Everyone you talk to should end up with your card. 
  • Comfortable Shoes: You’ll be on your feet for a long time. You don’t want to be in pain by lunch time. 
  • Pain Killers: If you’re also volunteering and carrying heavy boxes around you’ll thank me. 

Yay! We’re up an running!

This week I am attending ASCAP’s I Create Music Expo.
What a better way to kick off this blog than to post all about the wonderful things I’m learning?


I’m currently sitting in on a panel all about making the most from touring. Expect a post with the highlights this afternoon.

Real Extraordinary: Cell Phone: On the table, or off?

realextraordinary:

On the table or off: that is the question.

As an assistant, I always kept my phone on the table, right where I could see it if my boss tried to text, email or call me. I didn’t want any sort of delay in responding. Some of my friends would get pissed, of course. “Can’t you put down your phone…

One thing to know before you get into music (musicians and business people alike): 1. You’re always on the clock. Always. 2. You need to have your cellphone on and with you at all times. You never know who may need to get a hold of you. 3. Its going to irritate people. My grandparents still get mad when I have to answer a text during dinner. I apologize of course, but I still answer the text. Eventually people get used to it. 4. That being said, don’t annoy everyone with your obnoxious spice girls ringtone. Put it on vibrate and put it under your leg or in your pocket where you can feel it go off. 5. Promptness is golden. Answer everything in a timely manner; it’ll make things run so much more smoothly, I promise. People who have to wait get frustrated and frustration sets you back. (more on that later)